You just made me feel so damn special
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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