So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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