This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
