I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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