Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize