i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
