I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
