saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize