i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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