Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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