I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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