everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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