Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
