So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
