we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
