If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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