Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize