SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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