Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
