Buhtt sex?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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