I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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