then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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