my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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