I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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