All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
