I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
