sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
