Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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