A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
