Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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