You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
