In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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