I wish life had little blips of pornography
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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