guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize