i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize