I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
