New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
