I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize