so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
