Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
