ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize