It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
