9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize