I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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