i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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