I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
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