I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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