3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize