You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
