Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
be right there i have to get my cape
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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