when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
