Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
