My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
