she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
