Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
