Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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