I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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