What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
