allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
