If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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