haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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