guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
