We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
