alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize