Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize