I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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