I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
