You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
