Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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