i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize