I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
