I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
