Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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