I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
zippers are such a cool invention
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize