My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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