I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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