I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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