well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
