you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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