he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
