Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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